This probably won't last

Let's get a round of applause for Brian Lum. He told me this was a good idea. But, now that I'm actually doing it, I still don't agree. The fact of the matter is, I am bored and lonely at the moment, so I will have to live with debasing myself to the point of blogging.

I would like to set a precedent for this particular blog. I think each day (or perhaps several times a day depending on how excited I am that other people care about what I don't really think, but pretend like I think so I'll sound cool and thus post it on a blog because people will think I'm deep and provocative and have a hidden tortured or brilliant mind behind the dumbassery of my everyday self). Wait, I was in the middle of a sentence. Ok, rewind. I think each day I will post what I think about global politics and express my discontent or admiration of several 24-hour news station commentary programs.

Immediately following this, I will tell you to like my music.

After that, I will erroneously decide a one or two word description that bears no place in describing human emotions and use it to depict my current mood, despite the fact that my mood will probably be the same as it was before I started the blog, which can be easily described by the following words: happy, sad, or pissed off at you.

Following this deep plunge into my psyche to give all those that know me (and some that don't! I heart the internet!) a close view into the REAL me, I will tell you to like different music than previously mentioned, but this music I will have never heard myself, but rather saw in a public forum and decided it would make me seem revolutionary or edgy if I did listen to it, so I'll pretend like I listened to them before they were popular, if selling 4 albums at a Berkeley EMOshop can be called popular. I will, however, assure you that despite their imminent sell-out, they still make my soul feel better.

On an entirely different note, what the shit is an LP anyway? I'm tired of people saying they heard the LP. It's a CD. Get over yourself. (Editor's note: I won't ask that question everyday. That particular thought was out of the context of my "Blog Precedent" piece) . (Writer's note: I am the editor, so I guess the previous parenthetical statement would have been more appropriately labeled as a "Writer's note", as well). (James' note: I find parenthese to be one of the most useful tools of the English language. Not any other language. Just English. Other languages are too direct). P.S. - ( )

I think to top off the (multi)daily blog post, I will proceed to tell you how the lyrics of my music affects my political beliefs and why insert shitty EMO/INDIE band name here that consists of an obsolete noun with an unrelated adjective somehow attached gives me a profound right, nay, OBLIGATION, to tell you all what I feel and think.

After all this, I will put a little quote at the bottom that is in no way related to anything I have said in the above post but that I hope will provoke as much thought in you as I pretended like it did for me when I typed "philosophical quote" in Google and clicked the "I'm Feeling Lucky" button.

By the way, every third word in my average blog post will be linked to some website I find poignant, but since I don't know that many websites, and not one of them is poignant, many of them will probably just be porn because I am dubious that anyone could possibly care enough to click on ALL of my hyperlinks.

At this point, I'm sure you all wish as much as myself that I had just typed "RAMBLING SARCASM" in size 72 font in place of the above paragraphs and saved us all a lot of time. Unfortunately, my choices for font size are "huge, large, normal size, small, and tiny", the latter two of which I am all too familiar, and the first two of which I am longingly frightful of, so I just stuck with normal font. As for why I wrote all the stuff instead of just writing "RAMBLING SARCASM" in normal font, well, I can't answer that. The point is, I just made a suggestive penis joke, so that means I should probably end this.

At this somewhat slightly later point, I should probably admit that although my sarcasm and facetious patronism of blogs sounds like an expert speaking, but the truth is, I haven't ever really read many blogs. I just described them like I did above so I could have good reason to hate them. But I can't be THAT far off, can I?

Thanks for tuning in, I hope you had a goodtime. I'll leave you with a tally I've kept:
Number of times I made myself laugh while writing this: 9
Number of times you laughed while reading this: 1 (unrelated to my blog)
Amount of pathetic I am by writing a blog that makes fun of how dumb blogs are: A lot.
Number of minutes I spent writing this: 20
Number of minutes I got sidetracked while writing this because I was reading about a guy's recount of his experiences having sex with dolphins: 15 (I was trying to find a funny hyperlink, not my fault...and fascinating besides)
Number of people who will read this (hopefully): 0
Number of future entries I will probably make due to my extreme levels of dedication: 0, maybe 1
Number of these tally count jokes I should have made before stopping: 1

Until next time.